Be in the World with Tenderness

Imagine a world where tenderness takes the political stage and grace is nurtured enough to birth something beautiful. In today's heart-to-heart, we sit within the hard cracks and rubble of life, armed with a gentle energy, exploring how we can endure the world's heaviness without being swept away by it. Drawing inspiration from Bayo Akomolafe's call for a politics of tenderness, we invite you to join us in this moment of vulnerability as we turn to the Gentleness card from our deck, a beacon created in a moment of overwhelming emotion. We delve into the importance of creating a space for discomfort to arise and the necessity of channeling a tender energy before taking action.

But, our journey doesn't stop at tenderness; forgiveness, too, holds a vital place in our discussion. Ever experienced the therapeutic power of art and music? We're inviting you to pause, reflect, and embrace the themes of healing and forgiveness, creating room for the discomfort of change. Light a candle for healing and listen to our song Forgiveness, for yourself and your community. Reflecting on the anemone card from our deck, a symbol of forgiveness, we navigate through the strength it takes to weather challenging times and the energy required for true forgiveness. Remember, tenderness, grace, gentleness, and forgiveness are the pillars we need in our lives, and this conversation hopes to serve as a gentle reminder.

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Chapters

• 0:11 Hold Space for Tenderness in Crisis
• 18:11 Practicing Forgiveness Through Art and Music

Transcript

Omar Brownson: 0:11

Hello Belinda.

Belinda Liu: 0:14

Hey, Omar and Arlene, it's so wonderful to have you in studio with us today.

Omar Brownson: 0:20

As we were preparing for this episode and really like, what are we trying to hold space for? I'm participating in a series called Dancing with Mountains that's led by Bayo Akomolafe. He's the father to Alithia and Kaya and the grateful life partner to EJ, son and brother. He's an international speaker, post-humanist, thinker, poet, and it's just been this amazing community of over 1500 people from around the world, and he shared this note recently that, I think, is just a great reminder for us today.

Omar Brownson: 1:02

He says you see, when the world becomes too solid for nuance, when it hardens up and crystallizes into a binary that forces you to pick a side, compelling you to become intelligible to the hardness that creeps on its once-lomie surfaces, cracks become the first responders. We need a politics of tenderness more than ever. Not tenderness as capitulation to particular conclusions that have already been made. Not tenderness as if you don't see the world as I do, there's something wrong with you, but tenderness as a nurturing of grace that allows something different, something even beautiful, to be born in the midst of the fires. And so today, I just invite us to ask ourselves how are we holding space for tenderness?

Belinda Liu: 2:03

Wow, that's a beautiful way to start this episode, omar. I've been feeling recently just the gravity of the times that we're in and I feel like throughout this podcast you know there's been many days where we've been like this. There's so much going on and I feel like it's on repeat a little bit and spiraling. You know, in this way of just how do we be with all of it and not be destroyed by the heaviness that's present, and so I love that in this poem there were themes around gentleness and grace that are such strong teachers in the gratitude blooming ecosystem, the cards and the words of nature, and so I love that. That's the frame and opening question for what we're sitting with today.

Omar Brownson: 2:58

I'd love to hear, Arlene, you know as sort of we're healing is so central to your art practice and you know, before we pick a card and hopefully that card is in one of the three music albums that we now have out in the world of sound what is coming to you is we really want to create space for tenderness.

Arlene Kim Suda: 3:23

I really think about the gentleness card that we have in our card deck and I remember drawing that drawing. So it's a drawing of a gardenia and it's, and the word paired with the gardenia is gentleness. But the day that I went to draw that I had been sick. You know, this is the backstory of that drawing is I remember being really sick. I was in the middle of this hundred day project and I felt like I couldn't go on, you know. So I think about what you were just saying, belinda, about this feeling of like how do we continue on without letting news of the world sort of destroy us? And I remember having that feeling like I didn't know if I could go on. And I drew so and I drew very gently, I drew very tenderly, that drawing of the gardenia and the word gentleness came, and so I wonder if there is a lesson in there about how we show up, doing the things that we're doing from our hearts and continuing on.

Omar Brownson: 4:38

One of the invitations that Bayo Akomolafe shares is just really to sit with the cracks, and sometimes you know there's an urgency to fill things up Right. And you know and I'm right now it's coming to me is this image from back in 1992 and the civil unrest here in Los Angeles and seeing buildings burn down and rubble in the street. There was this crazy urgency to clean it all up, and I remember like, literally within days, the streets were cleared and open and it was this sort of like false reality. I was like this looks cleaner than it was 72 hours ago. This is, and the feeling did not leave me, though right, like the feeling that cities and democracy are a lot more fragile than we realize. And so, you know, I love that invitation to sit with the cracks, to sit with the rubble. You know, before we even clean the rubble up, can we just sit with it?

Omar Brownson: 5:48

You know, and in this moment, where so much rubble is being created, right, how do we respond? Right Like, can we actually respond with just patience, right Like. And you know, in response, some people want to respond with more violence and some people want to respond with, you know, cleaning things up and like, restoring it, and it's just like no. How do we actually respond with that sort of tenderness and gentleness? You know, almost it's like not, non violence doesn't mean non action, right, and so sitting with crack does not mean non action, it's just like no. How do we just acknowledge what is here in such a in a more tender way?

Belinda Liu: 6:36

And in many ways, that energy feels like it's bringing more harmony and balance into a chaos climate. You know, like I, it's like yes, there's still no answer, and I know that we've been talking a lot about that. Just, you know how can we create space for the discomfort to arise and not run away from that? And maybe that's the first step is the tenderness arrive, because I do feel like in those moments of vulnerability, whether it's external or internal, that's when we need to bring that energy in before anything else can happen, like like that soft belly with you know otherwise, I think for me, what I've learned about myself is like I am too quick to put on the armor and get stuff done and fix it, and and it feels short sighted to do that in the moment as a reaction to something that just happened.

Omar Brownson: 7:43

So I think, with that set of intentions, you know, let's pause and pick a gratitude blooming card and I will go ahead and scroll and you, belinda Arlene, can tell me when to pause.

Belinda Liu: 8:02

I'm feeling the towards the end, arlene. So you say when?

Arlene Kim Suda: 8:08

Okay, how about here?

Omar Brownson: 8:10

Okay, one through six here on this row. We're gonna go here.

Belinda Liu: 8:22

Sounds good.

Omar Brownson: 8:23

Okay, and just the inquiry is, even in the face of so many challenges and so much rubble, you know how do we make room and sit with tenderness?

Omar Brownson: 8:37

Hmm, guard number one, the anemone representing the theme of forgiveness. Forgiveness can be one of the greatest gifts we give or receive. How can you express gratitude for being forgiven or give forgiveness to one in need? And so, as we think about tenderness and sitting with the rubble, sitting with the cracks that may be in our lives and are certainly in the world, what comes up for you is you look at this art, the flower, this theme of forgiveness.

Belinda Liu: 9:20

I have recently started paying attention more, arlene, to the stems of your drawings, and I don't know if it's because I have literally worked with these cards for years now in so many different contexts. And so it's like you know, you're just paying attention to what you're not seeing. And most recently, I've been playing with this practice of like not looking for what is obvious, but just playing with this idea of perspective, like what is it that I'm not seeing that's in front of me? And in this moment, when I look at this one tall, singular plant that I know is a very delicate flower from nature, I just wonder, you know, what does it take for the stem to hold up this delicate flower that you know one petal is on its way out, and what does it feel like to breathe in the strength to hold yourself up in really challenging times?

Belinda Liu: 10:28

And what is that experience of giving and receiving? For that's the stem of a flower, or maybe it's like the back of my spine, you know how it stands, my body up, and in this moment I feel like it's like allowing, it's like allowing the forgiveness to be received or to be given, and how can I create the clearest channel to allow for this to happen versus in other times. I felt like forgiveness is a very actionable thing, you know, like what, who do I need to talk to or what do I need to say to myself, but in this moment I'm just really feeling the like what is the energy that needs to be cleared or created in order for that to be really authentic and true?

Arlene Kim Suda: 11:27

I have to say, belinda, that I've been thinking about this theme a lot just because of the event that we are doing with the Democracy Center and this, you know, this is the theme we chose for our you know, the larger art pop-up reflection booth, and it's exactly what you're saying.

Arlene Kim Suda: 11:46

What's coming up for me is the reason why I think that this theme is so powerful, is it really is a theme that sort of makes you face like whatever emotion is coming up, and it's not, again, not to act on it, but to notice. You know, we talk a lot about the importance of just when you notice a name and emotion, you can take away its power over you in some ways, and forgiveness feels like it has such a power because there's so many things involved in forgiveness. It could be that it could be anger, right, it could be shame, it could be embarrassment. You know it really covers like a whole range of the emotional life that we live, right? So if you're gonna forgive yourself or forgive somebody else, it really forces you to look at all the. You know just the whole spectrum. You know the whole, all the grays of the emotions that you're feeling and I think that just the act of doing that is allowing you to stay in your power and not sort of be reacting to the emotion that's coming up.

Omar Brownson: 13:00

So I wouldn't have connected forgiveness with tenderness really, but I feel like it's the perfect card, the perfect card for the question it is amazing how consistently that happens, where the question and the themes or the art kind of so aligned in that synchronous way. You know, I look really at the word forgive that you wrote in this very gentle, almost fragile kind of cursive on the card for give and it's like what are you for giving versus what are you for taking, right, like, like what are you for? And if I may, I'm gonna read a poem I wrote as part of the collective acceleration community that I'm part of, and it's called no, for getting.

Omar Brownson: 14:01

Habit is the unconscious glove that separates us from direct contact to our awareness. Practice takes the gloves off so our hands can touch our hearts, shift our minds to remember our wholeness. Collective acceleration is how we change habits, like the murmuration of starlings dancing together to the constant song of remembering. We live in a culture of forgetting, of always wanting more. We want to forget before we forgive or are forgiven. The scarcity of never enough lives in the shadows of the forgotten. Until we remember, we can rejoin and rejoice with each other anew in the current of abundant love.

Belinda Liu: 14:59

I don't have words to process that. I'm so glad we're recording this podcast so I can go back and listen to the words.

Omar Brownson: 15:07

I can read it again. Actually, I just you know, I feel like that is actually a practice to read again. Habit is the unconscious glove that separates us from direct contact to our awareness. Peace takes the gloves off so our hands can touch our hearts, shift our minds to remember our wholeness. Collective acceleration is how we change habits, like the murmuration of starlings dancing together to the constant song of remembering. We live in a culture of forgetting, of always wanting more. We want to forget before we forgive or are forgiven. The scarcity of never enough lives in the shadows of the forgotten. Until we remember, we can rejoin and rejoice with each other anew in the current of abundant love.

Belinda Liu: 16:08

Yeah, you've got to take that armor off to be able to be in that remembering. I love the sensation of what it feels like to take the gloves off and feel your hands when you do that. You know, for me it's like, usually soft and sweaty a little bit, and I'm touching my hands in this moment just to remember, remember, what does that feel like?

Arlene Kim Suda: 16:36

And I love the way it starts about habit being the I can't remember the exact words, but it hides our awareness from us and that really resonates with me is to be truly present in every moment. It's like you have to question your habits every now and then. Right, I mean, it's probably impossible to always do that, so I really like the way the poem starts.

Omar Brownson: 16:59

I think part of it you know, talk about habit is that unconscious glove, you know, and it's to sit with tenderness, is to like remove that armor right and to just be present and compassionate. It's not that you can solve the problem, quote, unquote but maybe in the act of being sort of compassionate and being present, you know, there is a healing that starts to potentially happen. And in that silence, you know, we know that there's so much that can happen. Right, Like when we hold any practice, the three intentions that we share every time is like you're in your teacher is your best guide. Therefore, there's no need to fix, save anyone else.

Omar Brownson: 17:46

And silence is a participant, right, and but it there has to be a level and we know how uncomfortable silence can be for folks, right, and you know, because we're sort of left in some ways to be with those cracks in ourselves and in the world. And this is why that we have it's a practice, right, Like because it is something that is sometimes very unconscious, and like how do we bring that awareness? And whether it's through the music or the candles or the cards or the art or the conversations or the podcast, like, easy, and I would just say, like what I'm grateful for right now is just the three of us in our practice together. Right Like that, we have given ourselves permission to like sit in the crack of like what is this co-creation, what is this emergence? You know, like, how do we hold space for all the challenges?

Omar Brownson: 18:38

Like everything that has happened in the two plus years that we've been almost doing the collaboration in general, and I think maybe a year and a half or two now on the podcast, so much has changed. And you know, and I think that is in some ways maybe the new normal, right, Like is like, how do we constantly give each other and the communities that we're a part of that grace to sort of be like, oh, this change is uncomfortable and we have to like name it and be a part of it and not hold up the armor and like that's not the way to sort of manage through change is not resist it. Right, Like is like, how do we sort of move with it?

Belinda Liu: 19:25

So I love that now we have three albums out of four that align with our garden collection, and it's such a beautiful practice for us to just sit and be with the sound of forgiveness, and so I invite you all who are listening and watching and with us in this moment, to just take this pause with us and just feel like what does forgiveness feel like when you hear the music of forgiveness?

Omar Brownson: 20:00

Here's the song forgiveness from the Garden of Healing Album. What's so beautiful that we can listen to these themes, reflect on the art and just hold space for these conversations. So I don't know if Belinda, if there's anything else, or Arlene, so we sort of invite people to pause in the cracks with tenderness and recognize the need for forgiveness.

Belinda Liu: 21:32

I hope you can just hold that space for yourself and in community, just listening to the music, or even lighting the candle for healing, just to say out loud that you're receiving this healing for yourself. I feel like that has ripple effects beyond what we can see or imagine. Just leaving that room for sitting with the cracks.

Omar Brownson: 22:03

Wishing you grace and gentleness and forgiveness and all the things that you need to just hold tenderness in ways that are so important to our humanity. Wishing you well, cheers, cheers, cheers.